For those words, he is a keeper
I don't blame Joel for bringing the topic up. It's never actually come across my mind as such a big issue before and I learnt some things that I never knew before, until it finally dawned on me how burdensome and complicated things just got. And it's just so painful for me to find out the kind of hold it has on me, this other half of me I so greatly detest but can only obediently resign to. Because the many restrictions have never actually been an issue for me to shrug off let alone defy; the food and alcohol restrictions, behavioral restrictions such as clubbing and many, many more constituents of the non-exhaustive list of restrictions. But this now (hahaha I never thought I would ever say this given my defiant nature) but this just cannot be defied, just no way around it. There's no fork-road with different signage, saying down the left road of "Obedience" and down the right one of "Defiance", just a flat endless one-way road of "Obedience", and helplessness.
It's like I finally found something that I really really so badly want for myself but this fucked up shit has to come into the picture. Finally found something that makes me think, 'Omg... This might actually work!' but fuckkk. I don't find it stupid at all, to think far albeit being officially together only since December. It actually means a very very big deal to me, because (I hope it's safe to assume/say this) it gives me the hope that Jerome too, thinks the same way? That just possibly, he also thinks that this "we" thing might actually work? I guess a large part of it was really what we went through together on my birthday that made me more confident about us, and really made me much more mature in that short span of time, mature enough to know that that was not just immature impractical impulsive stupid talk from the naivete of 2 little kids. But right now, I just want to continue being happy with this precious person, and be able to go to sleep happy, knowing that I'll wake up the next day feeling just as happy. (•‿•) <<< BIG FAT SMILEY FACE FOR JEROME FROM FATTY ME HEE.
Lastly, an abstract to end off:
It's like I finally found something that I really really so badly want for myself but this fucked up shit has to come into the picture. Finally found something that makes me think, 'Omg... This might actually work!' but fuckkk. I don't find it stupid at all, to think far albeit being officially together only since December. It actually means a very very big deal to me, because (I hope it's safe to assume/say this) it gives me the hope that Jerome too, thinks the same way? That just possibly, he also thinks that this "we" thing might actually work? I guess a large part of it was really what we went through together on my birthday that made me more confident about us, and really made me much more mature in that short span of time, mature enough to know that that was not just immature impractical impulsive stupid talk from the naivete of 2 little kids. But right now, I just want to continue being happy with this precious person, and be able to go to sleep happy, knowing that I'll wake up the next day feeling just as happy. (•‿•) <<< BIG FAT SMILEY FACE FOR JEROME FROM FATTY ME HEE.
Lastly, an abstract to end off:
"We are always waiting for something; for it to be the weekend, to be finished school, till summer, till we are 18. We are always god damn waiting and what's sad is we miss every beautiful moment in the 'present' because we spend our whole lives waiting for tomorrow and for the future. We end up skipping our whole lives and one day we will spend our last day waiting on a 'tomorrow' that will never come." - Tumblr