Realist

I never could understand how people can get mad at me so easily. I mean, if someone really means a lot to you, you wouldn't keep getting mad at that person and can so easily raise your voice at him or her right? I find it very tiring. Everytime it happens I'm just like, "What? Again? Seriously I suck so bad at making you happy?". I feel like maybe I'm difficult to understand? Maybe I'm hard to love? I really don't know. Yeah, I get it a lot that it's normal for couples to quarrel and I fully understand that quarrels also serve as a means to communication but I don't even consider this a 'quarrel'. I consider it more as a 'disregard'.

I know you're always the one pampering me. I can never pamper you just as much because I'm not as financially abled and so I always try to make up for it through non-monetary ways which of course, can barely compare. Though in this sense, maybe I do deserve all the anger afterall. Maybe deep down you're actually very pekcek at me for always being on the receiving end and it's been building up from the start and it just keeps building up and god knows when will be the day you reach your breaking point and finally get sick and tired of me and just, leave.

Now I sincerely wish for wealth. Fuck "Wealth is in the mind, not in the pocket". Fuck that I want wealth in the pocket. I want deep ass pockets! Like if you were to get angry at me, I could drive down to your place and bring you out for dinner at like, "Lawry's" or "The White Rabbit" and then after dinner we could have some wine or beer on my yacht and shit. If I had money, it'd be so easy to appease someone!

Because me on my own, just myself, I feel I don't have any redeeming qualities worth holding on to. Call me a pessimist but maybe that's not what I am, maybe I am actually a 'realist'.