Bounded by fate
Today, I received some random spam whatsapp messages from Shingz and I was really touched by her random (and very very fierce haha) gesture of which was her expression of worry and concern. So for today's post, I'm gonna be talking about the overall content of my blog which was the reason for her worry.
Not sure whether this were to be considered narcissistic or what but personally, I often date back and read up on my blog posts simply because I feel it's extremely refreshing. And I've come to realise that my blog contains a significantly larger amount of negative posts as compared to positive ones, take for instance the happy posts about the Hong Kong trip as well as my monthsary date with Jerome. I very rarely do up such posts because I really cannot find the time and effort to regularly export photos from my phone to my comp after which upload them to post then align them before finally publishing the post. Plus, unlike celebrity bloggers, I am not burdened with the duty to pen out my daily activities to cater to a large group of public readers so I really don't do up those pretty posts unless I feel it deserves somewhat of a boasting and a remembrance. Yet, I have countless of emo nemo cry-baby/ angsty-gal posts, of which a whole shocking lot are in relations to Jerome. For this, I feel I ought to apologize to him as I've realised that it comes to reflect badly on him.
Everytime we have a little tiff or a quarrel, we don't thrash things out via phone. Rather, we go into a cold war. Which makes this here, supermassiveasshole, the only outlet for all my pent up sadness, anger, frustration, annoyance and all else negative. Rather than thrashing things out over the phone, which I feel is impulsive, irreversible and highly regrettable, I turn to my dear online diary.
Impulsiveness; on a blog post rather than furious exchange of texts, lesser damage done.
Irreversible; I could delete any post, anytime.
Regrettable; any harshness of words could easily be edited or deleted.
Plus, I feel it's an extremely effective way in defusing my inner anger because after I publish an emotionally negative post as per those of our quarrels, without fail I'd feel much more calm and collected. Which by then, I would be ready to toss aside all remaining anger and sky-high pride to make peace with him. There are posts that I've deleted upon calming down but I feel that if I keep doing that, then my blog would be pretty much pointless because penning them out serves as remembrance of the difficulties we've been through and the lessons we've learnt.
So to Shingz and whoever else actually reads my oh-so-bipolar diary, thank you and don't worry about me. Because it's the same as no matter how many times we throw a feat or have some shout-offs with our parents, at the end of the day they're still the ones we love the most and can't do without. Such relationships are bounded by fate and can never be tarnished and I endeavor to think that it's the same for my relationship with Jerome.