Alone

As the date of my trip to Genting and KL with my mum draws near, I find my happiness and all else positive seeping away. It'll be our first trip to our usual haunts in years and worse yet, our first trip without my dad. I find myself having to forcefully come to terms with his passing, which only now I realise I still am very far from. At this point, I'm really not looking forward to the trip at all. I can only picture it as a sour trip down memory lane with a very big part missing. It's funny because these days, it seems more like I'm the one with depression here. What supposedly serves as reminiscence only seems to me as a very sick and twisted plan of going to the same places, booking the same hotels and whatnot. I cannot go to our once fun-filled travel destinations only to get flashbacks and images of him with me, with us. This is too fucking painful for me I'm sorry, I cannot walk out from this mess. I just find this all to be very... Empty. Pointless. The kind of escape I need is not one of travel, but of reality.