Zilch

Feeling plenty emotional tonight, so here I am. Just finished a movie marathon with mum, the last one being "Pompeii". Watching that movie took me on a painful trip back to much happier times. In all honesty I still miss Jerome. Not in the "loving" sense of the word but simply as a person who used to mean a great deal to me. For sure, he'll always hold a special place in my heart, no more than a long lost friend.

On a related note, I think I can safely say that things between my date and I are already over. The human heart is something I can't even begin to fathom. I believe even when we usher in the end of Earth and mankind, we still fail to solve this lifelong mystery that is to say, the "human heart". As of now, I think I've had about 7 dates excluding 1 official relationship. And I'm single now so I'm not sure if that says a lot about the human heart or maybe, me. Could it be something about me that just kills the attraction? I don't know.

When I fell gravely ill recently that I could only mange with lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, hunger pangs and all else ignored simply because I lacked the strength to move about, I spent a lot of time thinking. Yeah, that's what happens when you're sick and only have the walls and ceiling to turn to. I tried so hard really, to come up with a list of a few whom I could call to just come over to nurse me because it really felt like I was on the brink of death. If not to nurse me, the basic thing I really needed was food. Like really just deliver food to me and go, no need to stay and nurse me. But no, I couldn't think of anyone. The only one who'd really go all out for me is Jacob, and he has work commitments so I know better than to be a hindrance to him. But yeah, other than Jacob, no one.

Hence my conclusion that life is just... Sad. (Hereon I'm speaking for the majority) We all arrive to this world happy, even before birth already being loved by our parents. And yet, our parents pass on before us, leaving us alone for rest of our lives afterwhich dying on our own. How many of us can die saying "I've led a fulfilling and enriching life."? To me, life has no meaning. We live but what do we live for? Money. We work our donkey asses off for the money to sustain our livelihood but in the midst of it all, we become boring people facing a deadline that is our lifespan.

To hell with money, love, health and all the other bollocks under Maslow's hierarchy of needs okay. When we go, we all go empty-handed. Nothing is worth fighting for in this life.