Avada Kedavra

First things first just to clarify, I absolutely do not hate my mum. I love my mum, even more so after my dad's passing. What I do hate however, is what she does to me on fixed days of every month. No, it is not menstruation. I would rather it be menstruation but no, it is something much darker, much more evil — Menopause. If menstruation were Lucius Malfoy, menopause would be Voldermort the Dark Lord himself. Times like this, I like to put to use a very important skill I learnt from Baden, specifically Sash. It was an incident when Lovein was drunk and started venting out on everyone after closing and Sash didn't utter a single word of retort and very majestically proceeded to, I quote him,

"Sometimes, you need to just walk away."

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I had a bad start to the day, running late for work and upon arrival getting bombarded with mountains of paperwork and I thought it got better because my aunt offered to let me off early, in addition driving me home. I was already contented but my day got better, with Sha, Royce and Cynthia coming over to my place. I thought my day was ending on a good note when I sent Sha and Cynthia off to the bus-stop. But hell naw, I was never more wrong. My mum's uterus caught me off guard.

Menopausal Fit Case No. 1

Back home

Mum: I alight from the bus you didn't see me ah?

Me: ('Gg I must've been smoking...') 

Mum: (Death glare > Shakes head > Walks away)

Seriously, I always make it a point to not smoke infront of my mum but on rare occasions she would on her own accord let me smoke i.e. When we were drinking at Genting, she picked a smoking table then allowed me to smoke without me even asking. Obviously I took the chance with both hands. But other than that, I never on my own asked, "Mum, can I smoke?", not even during Chinese New Year and my grandma's where smoke was equivalent to Genting's air. Not smoking infront of her is all along my form of respect in return for her condoning my expensive habit. Today was just an accident because heck, how'd I know that of all days she'd be taking the bus today instead of her boss sending her home?

Menopausal Fit Case No. 2

Mum: Give me $80.

Me: For what? ('Wtf for?!?!')

Mum: You use up alot of electricity yknow? You go out don't know how to off light?

Me: ('What in God's name...')

Ok explanation: Ever since my dad's passing, my mum makes it a point to always keep the doorway lit. Her superstition, our habit. So when I went down with Sha and Cynthia about 10.30PM, I knew she'd be back anytime soon so I left 1 living room light on because our doorway light was faulty. I was only gone at max 15 minutes but no, God forbid I leave it on for 15 minutes because she's the only one allowed to leave it on from 10PM to 7AM. Yes, we keep 1 main light on every night.

Recalling Sash's very majestic and boss ass way of handling people who fail to make any sense, I decided to throw 1 good passive aggressive punch. Being cashless, I went to open up all of my angpao: $80 from my relatives and $100 from my mum totalling to $180. I gave her everything because I wanted to make sure I gave her more than she asked for to emphasise that "Mum, I've had enough and here's more than enough. Take it and leave me alone until you've stopped your nonsense." Then, playing my winning game that is "Irony", I proceeded to envelop all that cash into the same angpao that she gave me and left it on her drawer.

All this while since Menopausal Fit Case No. 2, we never talked. We abandoned our nightly living room time and retreated back to our own rooms but, I went out for a smoke just now and saw that the angpao was out on the coffee table. I was curious to find out if it contained the extra $100 I gave or the full $180 but no, my ego left it untouched. Whatever it is, I want her to know that I don't care about my money, what I want is an apology.

I know acting up during menopause is inevitable, just imagining my future 50-year-old self inflicting it onto my family already stresses me out. But this now, gets so frustrating and tiring for me because I'm the one facing it. I don't know if she'll feel the guilt of her menopausal fits afters but I really hope she does and let that guilt eat her up and realise how unjust it is for me.