Obsidian

At first it was easy. Maybe because I didn't see this coming. At least not this soon. Not to me. I realise I really can't deal with this. Am I okay with forsaking this? I don't fucking know. I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I don't know what to do. I had to fucking cry it out cause... I don't know... Was it the shock? The hurt? The disappointment? I thought highly of us, I really did. I don't think I'm being egoistic to regard us that highly I mean we came such a long fucking way, almost half my life. I know you're not to blame. It'd be easier if I could just put the blame on you. But it's not your fault. I know it's not. I just need to direct my emotions, the frustration, the sadness, everything in my messed up head right now, at someone. Maybe it's me? Is it my lack of presence? Have I not done enough for you? Was our time this insignificant? My head is taking me nowhere. Nothing is clearing up. If anything, it's getting even darker.

Edit:
The blogging didn't help so upon the end of that full-stop above, I texted Karesia at this unearthly hour to ask if she was awake. I desperately needed someone to talk to and I'm immensely thankful that she knew me so well that she immediately sensed something wrong with me and went on to talk on the phone with me for an hour and 14 minutes albeit work later. I am so thankful. I am so so blessed with such a gem in my life. I love you too. In time, I will straighten myself up. It's going to take awhile, but I know I'm gonna be ok as long as I have you. All is not lost. I'm ok. I'll be.