Guys

Hi guys, it's this time of the night again: Emo time.

I'm feeling unusually shitty today. Guys, I just want you all to know that I'm really a lot smarter than you lot make me out to be. Everything you all say goes around okay. I know what you guys say about me. I know everything. Somehow. And I'm sorry for not being feminine, not the girliest of girls and not girlfriend material and stuff. I really hate how I am and I did try to change myself. To be quieter, be girlier. And I'm sorry but I failed. This is me. I guess you all tend to forget whatever you all ever said but I'm sorry, I won't ever forget. For you all, it might just be passing comments, a conversation easily forgotten, but for me, these are what gets etched deep into my mind. It's just my nature to dwell on such stuff. So if being sensitive is considered girly then I guess you can say this is the girliest part of me already.

Too many a times, I've tried to change only to fail and revert back to my real self, that I've decided to succumb to it and just hope, I really hope, the right guy will come for me and accept me for who I really am. Accept both my good points and bad points, and never try to change me.

Looking at my secondary school ez-link, my ic, my passport photos, I'm really surprised and amazed at myself for changing so much. Physically that is. From specs, center parting and short hair to contacts, side fringe and long hair. From berms to shorts. But I guess it's never enough. I tried so hard.

But I know it's never enough and I'll never be good enough. I'll never be perfect. But I'm just waiting for someone who can stay by me through thick and thin despite my flaws.

I'm just waiting. Like how I've always been.