Loved and loving

I don't think I've ever quite felt this way before: This emotional, this blessed, this loved. I mean I come from a really perfect family and I do feel this way with my parents as well but this is like, a whole other me. And the comparison is just so great, so much so that it makes it seem like anything I've ever felt before was... Nothing. Say that I'm still "caught in the high", "still in the honeymoon period" or "deluded" whatever, because maybe I am. But if it can last long enough, who doesn't want to be caught in such a sweet, sweet delusional high?

Last year, my legal year, I had my first ever date. He was a real gentleman, but we only lasted 1 month, January. Better yet, even shorter, because I saw the signs of it coming to an end around the 22nd. And then I got so caught up in the aftermath, the "getting over" part, which just so happens to always be the hardest part. And see, the thing I hate about myself is my good memory. I can remember our dates and text conversations, specific to exact dates even, till now still! Which hits myself even worse. And it's not on purpose! It just happens to get engraved so deep into my memory along the way, it's not even voluntary. Then for the next 7 months, my mind just kept replaying the flashbacks in chronological order till I slowly became numb to it. And though I turned legal on 28 February and started my clubbing routine on 29 (hello to my first ever Ladies' Night), and got pretty crazy along the way, I still didn't quite got over him till 7 months later. Then we dated again. For 1 week this time, which was really quite epic and I never quite understood why we'd even try a second time, but this time it was enough to get me to completely forget him.

So cheers to me! To us. A clean break this time. Cleaner than the first. It's not a break of status because we were just dating the whole time so there wasn't anything there for us to break but rather, it's our feelings I guess.

But because it was the first, I went all no-regrets-head-first. Then when it was over, it felt like I had stabbed myself a million times over. Then the second came, and I became more careful. Then the third came, and I became... Playful. Then I became plain messed up and complicated. And that, is what the end of a relationship (albeit dating or official) along with turning legal does to you. You go apeshit wild hahaha.

But now, with Jerome, it's all so different! So new, so amazing, so damn blessed, so much love. The first and last person I think of everyday, and the person who makes me feel blessed the whole day. The person who makes me tear up every time I blog about him, because it's like I'm trying to convince myself how someone else other than my parents can make me feel so blessed and loved! It's quite funny I think I look like a joke every time I'm trying to blog about him. So much tears, but always tears of joy, wonder, and amazement. And also, deep down I think, there're also tears of fear, fear of me not knowing what to do if this were to ever end. But hey, "no time for sad thoughts" I tell myself! Live in the moment, and enjoy every part of it! Just like now. ☺

P/S This has been quite a personal post and I somehow lost control of myself and turned a blog post into an essay. Hahaha nevertheless, I had fun with this post! Good night to everyone and my already concussed and snoring away boyfriend!

P/P/S Today, I changed my twitter bio. From "18/Young, wild and free" to "18/ Young, loved and loving". ☺♥