Better unborn

It's come to my realization that yeah, title says it, I'm better off off the surface of this Earth. I don't understand how my life is such a whirlwind of the same old shit: Happy one moment, unhappiness the next ten. It's really tiring that the dark overwrites the light in my life and one just can't help but wonder: What is my greater purpose in life?

Then my mind turns to this unbidden thought of 'Hey, since you're lost in this life? Why not try in the next?'

So yes, what am I in everyone else's lives? What am I on this Earth, where it's so largely populated and yet most of the time especially more so now than ever, I am mostly alone? What I really want in life is just happiness, for me and for everyone else around me. But why when I am wishing this for all of you, you guys are ironically the cause of all my despair, sorrow, and morbid thoughts? Why is it that I am undeserving of happiness?

Please... To whoever is watching me from above... If you can't grant me with happiness then please... Please, at least grant me with the courage to end myself in this life so maybe, just maybe, I can have renewed confidence in my next life to try again.

S.O.S... From me to the heavens above...