Overcast

Dear Heavens and all else watching me from above,

Please help take away the darkness in my life, all these anger, sadness, tears, and let some light in, just please. Know the saying "Where there is light, there is shadow" but my life right now is in such complete darkness that I can't even see my five fingers set in front of me, let alone the shadows. Life is no different with my eyes opened or close.

Just what might my sentence be? Death by drowning in oneself's tears? Death by dehydration of eyeballs? Life is really fucking draining me out!!!!!!!!!! I just want to wake up everyday with my memory afresh, my slate clean!!! I want to live everyday being thankful for every morning that I open my eyes, for every laughter and breath of fresh air during my waking hours, and to go to bed with my last thought being 'wow, today was a great day'. Thinking back, there are was a time when I would blog on my happy days, being thankful for that day and being excited for the next. But now, evidently not anymore.

I'm sick of waking up every morning and having the first word out my mouth be "fuck". I'm sick of going to bed with my last thought being 'fuck, another fucking day tomorrow'. I'm fucking, fucking, tired.

Second brother was right. For sure, the honeymoon period will be long over before you know it. And at last now I know, like how in the past when we quarreled you'd suddenly turn up at my door step but now, you can go hours and days without contacting me trying to play hard to get for I don't know what fuck?

Say something I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would have followed you
Say something I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye 

- Say Something, by A Great Big World