Day 7

Officially one week after your death, papa. Mama is kind of crying/ whining in her sleep now. Is she dreaming of you perhaps? Your prayer today went well. The feast laid out today was full of your favorite dishes. You'd be so happy if you were still with us! I thought the yellow cake was mango but bleurgh it was freaking durian hahaha. I had to discretely get a cup and make it look like I was drinking while actually spitting the cake back out. Durian is totally your thing but not mine hahaha.

And just yesterday, I brought mama, Abang Dicky, Abang Yazid and Lira to fulfill one of your last wishes, which was to visit my workplace! I think mama was very happy to see all my colleagues hug me even before we entered. We were all good and only had soft drinks and water, no alcohol! Hahaha. But I'm sure you would know if you were there with us, watching us. It was very nice to see my boss, Lovein, shake hands with mama and abang before we left. Mama was both happy and regretful afters, happy that you would've clicked well with my boss, having the same music tastes of Bon Jovi, Scorpion and Santana; Regretful that she never once took time to bring lonely you down to visit me at work.

Mama looked very cute the whole time, you should've seen! She walked so damn slowly, looking around admiring the entire Holland Village like some foreigner kid. Apparently it was her first time at Hv and she even said, "Wah now here don't feel like Singapore, feel like KL already~" Hahaha very cute!!!

We miss you papa. We still haven't finished going through our treasure chest of photo albums but we just keep missing you more and more. We all used to smile so often and take pictures together all the time. It's very sad to really realize how much we've changed as time passes. I think my growing up is to blame, really. 

I never was the girly kind of daughter to cling to you, hook arms with you, whine "Papa~" lovingly. I guess I really got your end of the genes when it comes to personality. We're both so ego we never got around to expressing our love upfront. We're both so stubborn we always end up having a 2-3 days cold war after most of our quarrels, but this is where your forgiving trait shines through, which I greatly lack. I hate myself for wasting those few days staying mad at you, keeping my ego up, always waiting for you to give in and break the silence. You're so noble and patient when it comes to me but I'm just this petty little shithead even till the end. I really hope you forgive me for all these times that I haven't been filial to you, papa. I hope you can see these tears that I'm shedding and finally know how much I love you. I hate that I have to experience "You'll never know how much you love someone till they're gone" personally. I'm really sorry papa please please please forgive me.

Know that I will always love you the most, more than my husband, more than my son in future, you will forever be the most important man in my life. I love you, papa. Good night, I love you and miss you so much...