Psycho

Hmm... I'm not sure how I should feel about my newly earned title of "Master Manipulator" hahaha. I actually don't feel very good about using words and mind games to earn contracts. It feels like I'm doing something wrong but I'm so good at it. Whenever someone has an issue, I step in and with the right words, tone and predicting their next words and moves correctly, I sell whatever it is people cannot. It looks like a simple deal but behind it, I sounded out from their intern that their budget was 400, I told them we are looking at 800 but I can put in a good word and meet them halfway at 600. Together with this, I churn out numbers and statistics of the results we've been reaping for them versus their ex-contractors', which needless to say a lot are supposed to be confidential information, but who cares about the dirty details when it's seemingly obvious that the 200 bump is worth every penny from the contrast error I just presented. It's not wrong, I am doing my job and making things work. It's just the way I make things work that makes me feel like I'm robbing someone and having them thank me. I know them so well, every work habit, every personal trait, that I don't even make them feel like they're prey. They just don't have time to realise they're being swallowed.

I'm actually very proud of myself whenever I can seal a deal that someone else couldn't, it's just the process that doesn't really help me sleep well. It scares me that manipulating people and things around me comes so naturally, to the point that there's not even any challenge at all.

My life is all about making use of people and I damn well make good use of them, which rightfully makes me a bad person.