Armor

I realized I always make piercings and tattoos decisions when under some sort of duress. Like when the pain of my dad's passing or something else kicks in, I just choose piercings and tattoos as a form of distraction. I guess I really cannot say it heals me because I get a needle urge every few months so it's only right to say that it's a temporary distraction rather than a real solution for recovery. I've always said I don't believe in feelings like love and commitment because the realest thing for me to feel is lust and pain. How can I trust love? 

Lust is more tangible at least. Just wanton need for someone, not something deep and vague like love. Pain as well, is simple. Physical hurt is tangible, unlike mental hurt, at least I know why and where I'm hurting. And then once the physical hurt blows over, all there is is a newly beautified area, whether in the form of a jewellery or art. Deep down, I know I lost a huge part of myself so many years ago and the pain is the only thing that reminds me I'm still alive now. By bedazzling myself, I feel more beautiful externally, like the cracks internally are masked over. Talk about unhealthy addiction and coping mechanism haha.

Mess.