Day 3

Today is Thursday. You passed away on Monday morning. It's been 3 days now. I thought I was doing well when I didn't cry during prayers yesterday. With Huda and her Yassin beside me, reciting the Rumi version together, I felt so much strength in me. Super super grateful to my dearest cousin for that!

Today, although I woke up in your spot of the bed, I too did not cry. Knowing that you bought an acoustic drum box, which unfortunately you never got to jam together with Abang Yazid and Abang Dicky before your passing, I searched on YouTube for song covers that used the drum box for us to learn it in your stead. While watching those videos together with mama, she went out to the kitchen window to collect the clothes that were hanging out to dry. She then came back and super dramatically, got me to follow her to the kitchen! In the kitchen as it very slowly flew out to around the clothes-pole, was a very beautiful palm-sized butterfly, green in color with specks of black on it. 

Was that you, papa? 

Maybe you were in the living room with us, attracted to my music with all the drum box, before getting scared away by mama getting up from the sofa? 

Could it be pure coincidence that the butterfly was of your favorite color and also of the same black and green gradient as the tablet on your tomb?

How could it be that a butterfly actually flew up to our house, all the way on the 9th floor, in an area with no garden or parks whatsoever around?

I'd like to believe it was your spirit taking the shape of that butterfly, papa, coming to check up on mama and I. But of course, I cried after you very beautifully flew away. Hahaha. Sigh. Mama and I are still so weak, papa. But thank you very much for checking up on us today, we are very much consoled after your visit. 

Good night for today, and please come back and visit us again really really soon. We love you and miss you very much.